How To Resolve The Pain Of Feeling Inadequate

Recently somebody asked me about the pain of feeling inadequate. And the trap of taking on one self-improvement project after another as a way of trying to fix the pain.

It’s a trap that that many people can fall into simply because we don’t feel good enough.

In this society, we’re all taught that we can get better – and we should get better – and we should do it by some kind of concerted effort to improve ourselves.

And I do believe we’re all interested in being better versions of ourselves.

But I think that we make a mistake in understanding the concept of ‘better’.

After all, anybody who loves you doesn’t need for you to improve.

They just love you how you are.



It’s an interesting thing to think about your best friend because the chances are your best friend sees your shortcomings and doesn’t care.

And I know that my mum loves me beyond expression. She doesn’t really care if I’ve lost a bit of weight or if I’ve made a bit more money or if I’ve improved in some aspect of myself. Because in her eyes I’m beyond her wildest expectations – not that she had low expectations – but it’s just that she’s delighted with the way all of her children have turned out.

The more mature view then is to look at your own kids and realise you can be cranky with them, and you can be upset with them, and you can be frustrated with what they’re doing, but that doesn’t change how much you love them.

And I think that’s what we need to learn for ourselves.

It comes down to self-acceptance.

We all know that you cannot help an alcoholic until they’re prepared to admit that they are an alcoholic. Or prepared to admit that they’ve got a problem. Once they do it allows them to see they could have a better life if they weren’t under the influence of that drug.

But they’re not going to be more loveable, and they’re not going to be more perfect or any of that sort of stuff.

They’re just going to have less drama and struggle and stress in their life.

Acceptance – especially self-acceptance – is actually at the bottom of this whole issue.

So don’t delay self-acceptance.

Don’t delay self-respect, self-care, self-love.

Don’t wait until you’ve reached what is basically an arbitrary target that you set up for yourself that says, “When I get to this point I’ll be okay with me.”

How about we be okay with ourselves now – and then see if we can reach that other point.

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I think most personal development is not undertaken with enough joy and enough liberated understanding of the fact we live in paradise and we are children of God.

So why not adopt an attitude of getting on with it and having a fantastic time, and by the way, how about I work on this thing over here or over there.

We can do both.

We need to struggle with the challenges that we’ve chosen for ourselves, but we can do that in a light-hearted or a heavy-hearted kind of a way.

The choice is yours…